These writing tweaks 10x response rates
PLUS the best things I found on the internet this week
After 100 years of service, the pipe organ at First Baptist Church in Dayton, Ohio gave out. poof 💨
The church raised $50,000 through good ol’ tray-passing and committee hustle.
But were still short.
So they hired a copywriter.
One letter.
115 words.
$40,000 more raised.
Let that sink in.
One well-written letter.
With the right tone.
To the right people.
At the right time.
That’s the power of writing.
Below is the original letter and 3 techniques you can swipe to 10x your writing immediately:
Dear [Church Member],
Nothing gives like a church organ.It gives joy at weddings; strength at funerals; family greetings at baptisms.
It gives wings to worship; power to praise; humility to Thanksgiving.
It gives rest to the weary; welcome to strangers; binding ties to friends.
It gives to congregations of sons who follow fathers and then gives way to sons and sons again.It finally gives itself.
For over five generations the present church organ at First Baptist has given, freely, generously, bounteously without stint. Think of an organ’s gifts, as you have received them; as your children will in days to come.
Then give to a church organ, like a church organ…freely,
generously, bounteously…without stint.[Pastor’s Signature]
Here’s why it worked (and how to copy it) 👇
1. Anaphora
A very long and beautiful way of saying ‘using a structure or a phrase at the beginning of a sentence repeatedly.’
“It gives… It gives… It gives…”
When you want your writing to echo, start your lines the same. It’s how the brain recognizes rhythm.
It’s why Jesus said, “You’ve heard it said… but I say…”—again and again.
It’s why Martin Luther King Jr. didn’t say, “I have a variety of dreams.”
It’s why Charles Dickens wrote, “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of light, it was the season of darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair.”
Repetition doesn’t bore people. It builds a beat, similar to songwriting, that keeps the audience in step with the performer and draws them closer to the words around the repeated ones.
✍️ Try this: Write 3 lines in a row starting with the same phrase. Keep them punchy. Make them build.
2. Rule of Three
The smallest number that allows us to recognize a pattern in a set, three can help us craft memorable phrases.
“Joy at weddings. Strength at funerals. Family greetings at baptisms.”
Three is the magic number.
The three little pigs
Goldilocks and the three bears
The three wise men
It’s almost comical how often three is used in literature, and it’s because people grasp concepts, ideas, and situations better when they come in threes.
But here’s the trick: make each element escalate or contrast. Don’t just list three things. Show movement or depth.
Example from the organ letter:
Fathers. Sons. Sons and sons —> This is the cycle of life.
✍️ Try this: Group your ideas in threes. Then ask, “Do these build or deepen the emotional weight?” If not, rewrite them.
3. Emotional Framing
Strategically using language, tone, and imagery to evoke specific feelings in the reader, guiding their interpretation of the text.
You don’t need to sell the organ. You need to sell the memories tied to it.
Notice how the letter paints a picture before it makes the ask:
Weddings. Funerals. Baptisms —> That’s emotional shorthand for “this organ has been part of your story.”
Instead of saying "This product is 90% fat-free," a positive frame might be "Enjoy this delicious, low-fat treat!".
Instead of stating, "The library is closing soon," a negative frame could be, "Hurry, you only have a few minutes left to borrow these books
✍️ Try this: Before you write a call to action, write three sentences that frame the moment emotionally. Ask: What memory/emotion is tied to this thing?
The best writing is not about more information.
The average person doesn't need (or want) more information. Good writing is about helping people remember and take action.
This was not a “clever” letter by any stretch. To the average reader, it is a bit poetic, but nothing much more.
But for the people who know the sound of that organ. Who remember their baptism with it playing in the background. Whose wedding pictures hang in their home with those pipes peeking over their shoulders.
It’s convincing.
If you are a Christian writer, marketer, or creator, let this simple principle be your north star,
💥 Words matter because people (and their stories) matter.
Amen
MY BEST FINDS
I scoured the internet, and here are the best things I could find this week. If you find something worth sharing with the rest of the Lab, reply to this email!
🧙♂️ Story
A BONUS technique of zooming in and out of a character’s perspective, and how this adds depth to a story, but also a product (LinkedIn)
Everything can tell a story. Even milk jugs (LinkedIn)
How to Land Copywriting Clients With a FREE Audit (YouTube)
Get your open rates back up in under 4 weeks with this step-by-step (LinkedIn)
💡 Marketing
What every marketer *had* to screenshot this week (Marketing Ideas)
The ultimate guide for posting on LinkedIn, which I believe is about to explode (Product Growth)
👀 ICYMI
I shared 5 insights from Ryan Trahan’s BRILLIANT 50-day $11M fundraising project and what Christian creators can use (Christian Story Lab)
~
Keep writing what matters,
— Payton
P.S. The refurbished organ is in operation again.